Race nerves

Shorts in January?  Crazy!

First, I just want to celebrate... The fact that it was in the 50s here in Upstage New York on January 21st is quite amazing.  I did a great 10.5 miler out on a bike path near me and it was great to see tons of people out enjoying it.  We return to the normal cold and snow this week,  so it was great to break out the shorts and go.

Now, to what I've been thinking about a lot this week.

I haven't run a 5k race since the beginning of October.

After my last 5k

That might seem normal to most people, but not to me.  In my area there's a 5k almost every weekend and people race between 100-200 a year!  That's never been my style, nor could I afford it with the races I like to travel to, but I used to do at least one a month.  The 5k used to be my favorite distance.  I loved pushing myself hard, setting new PRS, hanging out with runner friends at the after parties.

Now I just get nervous, and my anxiety makes me not want to do them.

I feel stupid typing that, but it is true.  I am not sure what it is exactly.  Perhaps the idea that I might fail myself?  That I can't live up to my own expectations?  My own hopes?  At the start line the nerves kick in and the doubt begins to creep into my brain once the gun goes off.  You're legs feel heavy... Why are you breathing so hard?  You should be better than this!  All these thoughts circle in my brain as I run, eventually resulting in me not hitting paces I know I can, falling below expectations, continuing the cycle.  It sounds stupid, but I beat myself up afterwards, knowing I could have done better and that I screwed myself, which is not really fun.

A cross country 5k, placed even
though I didn't race well.

I want to get over this.  I think part will come from training, pushing workouts hard and lots of easier miles, but honestly I think I need to get out and race.  Avoiding will not make it better.


There's a race next weekend that I might run, if my legs are recovered enough from the marathon.  They still feel a tad heavy, but I'm slowly getting back.    If not, then I'm planning on doing one on Super Bowl Sunday.  They probably won't be great, since I have been doing mostly long slower runs for the marathon.  But they will get me out there, give me a starting point.

And if anyone has any tips on how to fix my brain (short of surgery), I'm all ears!